God for Thought

Posted on April 29, 2013 | 1 Comment
William’s eyes are beautiful.  Everyone says so, and even if they didn’t, I know so. They are most hypnotizing when he is looking and thinking about something off in the distance.  Everytime… everytime I ask William, “What are you thinking about?”… his answer is always and never failing, without a doubt, and never pausing… “GOD.”

William likes going to church and can sing a number of churchy songs off hand if asked.  He LOVES Christmas… and not because of presents.  Actually, he could care less about presents and how many he has under the tree. For him, he loves a decorated tree, the ornaments, the stories… THE ADVENT CALENDAR.  He has the symbols memorized and can’t wait to wake up each morning to put a new symbol on our tree.  He likes hearing stories from the bible and enjoys going to Children’s Church with Margaret.

He loves to pray for others…his list can be different every night.  He might pray for someone he hasn’t seen in years (truly) and every time, I am amazed at how the name slips right off of his tongue as if he had seen them just yesterday.  He certainly loves hymns and learning new ones, and rest assured, you have never heard them being sung quite like this!

So why am I surprised that his answer is always… “GOD?”  Certainly William has been exposed since birth to the bible, songs, prayer etc, BUT, I think it’s much more than that.  William lives in this world differently and with that, he sees and feels differently.  Maybe, just maybe… different or not, William’s one word answer is just what we all need to cling to and remind ourselves of everyday…that God should be the center of our thoughts and actions.

It is definitely a reminder for me and as William continues to grow, I have the opportunity to witness God’s specific and perfect purpose for him.  This simple one word answer that rolls off his tongue so undoubtedly so, does not go unheard.  I’m in awe of the life God has given me.

The majority of William’s life has been full of one word answers and incomplete thoughts.  But, this question that is asked as his beautiful eyes gaze at the distance, is COMPLETE with only one word… “GOD.”
 

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Autism is Expensive

Posted on April 20, 2013 | 1 Comment

Autism is expensive…yeah that’s the understatement of the Century isn’t it?

I actually had a friend of ours say that to me and I think I replied…”uhhh yeah, no kidding…”

Like that one time you went to Mexico and came back with some strange rash (hypothetically speaking of course)…autism is the gift that keeps on giving.

Often when I am talking to parents–in particular other fathers–the topic of money and how expensive therapies and medicines and treatments and just about everything can be.  I have to say that it’s terrifying to really think about how much money we have spent over the past 7 years on my son…but I know deep in my heart that it’s all worth it.

It wasn’t always like that.  I remember one time my wife wanted us to go to a weekend conference on autism…I threw a HUGE tantrum and basically said, “why do I need to go to a conference where they’re going to talk about autism and remind me that my child isn’t typical and then they’ll try and sell me some magic potion and will try and convince me that this magic elixir is the end-all, be-all for treatment of autism!”

I didn’t want to go, I didn’t want to spend the money, I didn’t want to be around those in a similar situation like mine.

Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) is the only scientifically proven therapy to help children on the spectrum…and it’s expensive.

My son takes medication to help his moods and swings…that’s expensive.

There are all sorts of secondary therapies: horse, gymnastics, music, art, water, judo, kung-fu….yeah those are expensive.

As a father I hated spending money on these things…do they really work?  How do I even know they work?  It sure doesn’t SEEM like it’s helping my son.

It’s not like he was coming home and showing me new Kung-Fu moves…or really becoming a polished horseman…or telling me how much he was enjoying these activities.

Ahhh…once again the ugly head of selfishness rears it’s little head.

It’s not about me.  It’s not about what I think or what I want or what I can see or what I can prove.  It’s about my son.  He might not be the next Bruce Lee…but I know he’s getting something out of Kung-Fu…I’ve seen him improve and that little improvement bit-by-bit….is enough to pay for lessons.

You have to remember that progress has to be measured differently from your other “typical” children…it’s not a linear progress…you might never see progress!  You might see little bitty progress and then BOOM…a lot.

Yes…autism is expensive.  Figure out a budget.  Talk to your spouse.  Make sure you don’t spend money where you can’t spend money.  Do your research on activities and therapies and medicines…if you feel it’s worth it and you feel that it will benefit your child…and you have the money…go for it.

Remember…you and your spouse are the family…your child is an addition to your family unit.  If you are causing  your family hardship by spending on things for one child…to the detriment of the others in the family…then you might want to reconsider what you’re spending on and try to cut back a little.

Money isn’t going to cure autism.  While there are many expensive aspects to autism…there are also some free aspects to autism as well.  Go to the park.  Run around the yard.  Embrace your child.  Smile at your child.  Make them know they’re loved.  Hold them to a high standard…when you want them to pay attention to you–make them pay attention to you (even for a few seconds)

It’s not going to benefit your special needs child one bit if you spend all your money and have nothing for them…

Go for it!

To read more blogs from Seth and TheFowler4Group, check out their Website (www.lookatmyeyes.com) and while you’re there, buy a copy of their book, “Look At My Eyes”.  Or find them on YouTube.  To contact TheFowler4 Group email: info@thefowler4group.com

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A feel good autism story…

Posted on February 22, 2013 | Leave a comment

You can tell that April is around the corner.  Yes, April is Autism Awareness Month and that’s when all your media outlets pay attention to the world of autism for 30 days.

But recently I’ve been seeing more articles and stories regarding autism so that’s positive.

I ran across a story of a police officer who has befriended a young man who is on the spectrum

It’s a simple but powerful story of how a little act of kindness and taking a little time out of one’s day can make a huge impact.

As our children on the spectrum get older and older and more into the “typical world” both sides need one another.

I mean that we need more stories, more events like this police officer and young man.

We need to expose the “typical world” to the world of autism…they need to see that there’s nothing wrong with our children.  There will be differences but they’re not harmful (mostly) and so there’s nothing to be afraid about when being with a child on the spectrum.

The autism world needs the typical world as well.  We need to have our children around as many typical people as possible.  My 7-year-old son needs to experience what it’s like to be with others who are not on the spectrum.  He needs to learn what’s socially acceptable and not acceptable…the only way he’s going to learn that is from being in that world.

It’s not an Us vs. Them scenario.  If we educate each other about autism and our children, and how they’re smart, happy, funny, playful, sensitive just like everyone else, then maybe in years to come we won’t have issues will people thinking those on the spectrum are not contributing members of society.

Kudos to this police officer for actually taking time to be a part of this young man’s life…he might not know it but he is not only helping the young man but he’s helping many across the country who may soon realize that children on the spectrum are different…but the same.

We need more stories like these!

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Getting High For Autism…is that the answer?

Posted on January 29, 2013 | Leave a comment

Recently I read an article where parents in Oregon were giving their 11-year-old child with autism medicinal marijuana to “help” with his behaviors and symptoms.

I had to read the article a few times to really digest it and consider it from different angles.

My first inclination was outrage…really?  Parents are now doping up their kid to get him to calm down?  There’s nothing else to do?

After reading it again it just made me sad.  I’m sad for this 11-year-old boy who is afflicted with autism and seizures.  I’m sad for these parents who have had to put their precious child in a state institution…at age EIGHT?

My son is seven years old.  I can’t even imagine–on his worst day–how it would feel to deposit him in an institution because he was too hard to handle.

I don’t condone giving children medical marijuana…but that’s just the superficial  element to this story.  It’s not really about doping up this kid, it’s that there doesn’t seem to be anything out there to help him in his situation.

For that I am extremely sad.

We must do more.  Doping up kids is not the answer.  Maybe it will chill them out for a while, but it’s not going to solve anything or certainly cure or “treat” any of the symptoms.

We live in a society where we want immediate gratification.  If I want something, I’ll buy it.  If I don’t have the cash, put it on credit and pay it off later (or never).  We are in an Internet Generation of immediate results, answers and solutions.

We can’t treat our children on the spectrum like a Website.  We can’t expect to get the quick fix when it comes to autism.

My heart breaks for these parents–I don’t even know them–but I can imagine how their hopes and dreams and hearts have been smashed to pieces time after time after time.

Autism SUCKS!

We have to demand more from local, state, federal resources.  We have to demand more from the private sector.  We have to demand more from churches and non-profit organizations.  We have to demand more from our public and private schools.

If the studies are true and 1 in 47 boys are now afflicted…how much medical marijuana and how many state institutions are going to be needed in 5, 10, 15 years?

This can’t be the solution.  Doping kids and casting them aside isn’t the final answer…I just can’t believe that is going to be the best solution.

We have to demand more from ourselves…no one outside the Autism Community gives a rats-ass about our plight.  No one is going to just start handing out money to help find realistic treatments and maybe even a “cure”…if it’s not going to be you then who will it be!

No…none of us asked for this.  Our children didn’t ask for this either.  But for some reason we’ve been given the duty/chore/task/blessing of having a child on the spectrum and together we can only make changes.

What are you prepared to do?  Take the easy way out or do something about it?

To read more blogs from Seth and TheFowler4Group, check out their Website (www.lookatmyeyes.com) and while you’re there, buy a copy of their book, “Look At My Eyes”.  Or find them on YouTube.  To contact TheFowler4 Group email: info@thefowler4group.com

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It’s OKAYto have a Pity Party (sometimes)

Posted on January 8, 2013 | Leave a comment

I get a lot of emails and Tweets and whatnot from other parents with children on the spectrum.  They typically are very positive.  They’ll talk about how the read our book (and you should buy one too!), and will share some of their stories, frustrations, questions.

Every so often I’ll get comments where a mother or father (c’mon dads, need more of you to step up to the plate and be active in your child’s life!) will actually feel badly because they “aren’t there yet” when it comes to accepting and dealing with the diagnosis of their child.

I get comments from people saying, “I don’t want to be peppy and cheery all the time,” and “I’m not at a point where I can deal with our situation gracefully.”

I totally get that.  I have been there…I still go there…P-L-E-N-T-Y.

As my wife so correctly put it in our book  (did I mention you need to BUY IT), “You will never stop grieving, but you’ve got to get over it because if you don’t, it’s not helpful to you, your child, your family and your marriage.”  Lot of truth in that.

I still mourn.  I still get bummed when I think about the future and what may or may not be in store for my 7-year-old son….and that’s okay.

So I want all of you to hear this…IT’S OKAY TO HAVE A PITY PARTY from time-to-time.

No one is going to breeze through your situation.  Like our children on the spectrum, our situations of grief and trials are completely different.

It’s okay to be sad, angry, confused, just flat out pissed off at what’s going on.

My son has started getting very emotional about things at home.  If he doesn’t get something, he’ll start weeping and won’t let anyone see him or touch him.  If the dog jumps on him, you’d think we just shot the dog…seriously, he is weeping at the drop of a hat.  IT’S DRIVING ME (US) CRAZY!!!

I visited with a friend of mine about diet and family meal plans and we talked about how expensive and time consuming and all that it will be…yeah no kidding…it’s okay to be upset at that…have your pity party and then get back in the game.

I’m not perfect.  You’re not perfect.  No one is going to go through our trials without losing it from time-to-time.  I just want you to know that it’s alright to do that…as long as you get over it quickly, don’t take it out on your child, and don’t make it a crutch.

Give yourself the permission to have a pity party about your situation.  Give yourself permission to be sad, angry, scared.  Give yourself permission to not want to have a rosy disposition about the state of your situation.

But then shake it off, get back in there and get after it.

Good luck…oh and buy our book!

To read more blogs from Seth and TheFowler4Group, check out their Website (www.lookatmyeyes.com) and while you’re there, buy a copy of their book, “Look At My Eyes”.  Or find them on YouTube.  To contact TheFowler4 Group email: info@thefowler4group.com

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Celebrating Autism: Waiting in Line

Posted on January 2, 2013 | 1 Comment

Happy New Year everyone…let’s get to work

I’m sitting here watching some NCAA football, the fire is on, the dog is asleep at my feet, nice glass of vino within arms distance…perfect scenario to blog!

I was going through the family computer and cleaning out files and documents that we don’t need.  My wife has a “William” folder with all sorts of documentation and notes and all that fun stuff.

In the file are notes from our 18-month legal battle with our insurance company, notes about what William was doing at certain ages, much of the stuff she used to write our book “Look At My Eyes”

I opened one document that described William at 2 years and 7 months of age–just before he was officially diagnosed with autism and our lives continued to change.

One entry said “has serious issues with patience.  Won’t stand in line, refuses to wait–flips out if he can’t have it now!”

So today as my wife was sick in bed with flu-like symptoms and the kids were getting cabin fever, I took them to the Children’s Museum (a HUGE staple in our weekend routine all year ’round)

They have amazing exhibits and the kids love to go there.  As with many families on the spectrum, we have our routine.  We get our tickets, we go to the gift shop, we say “hello” to Ms. Lisa, we take off our shoes and go down the Dyno-slide, then we go and do other things…but it always happens like that.

As William and his sister were going up-and-down on the slide I realized that William was very patiently waiting in line for his turn.

Kinda made me chuckle.

Another exhibit they love is some spinning mechanism–I don’t know what it is, you step on it, hold on and it spins you and you get all dizzy–kids love that stuff you know.

As usual, there was a line.  Immediately William said (in his broken-but getting better-communication skills)…”not your turn, wait in line…not your turn, wait in line…not your turn, wait in line”

And that’s what he did.  Over and over and over, he waited in line, was patient and  calm, took his turn, flapped a bit, got back in line

“Wait in line…it’s not your turn.”

So ironic that I found the report of almost 4+ years ago where my son was not willing or able to stand in line, be patient, wait for it…and here we are…not saying he’s destined for greatness–but HAVE HOPE PEOPLE…every year that passes we notice successes (sometimes big, sometimes small) and hurdles that he clears.

Way to go my son!  I am proud of you for learning to stand in line, wait your turn, be patient…

now you just need to teach your old man that patience thing…Happy New Years

To read more blogs from Seth and TheFowler4Group, check out their Website (www.lookatmyeyes.com) and while you’re there, buy a copy of their book, “Look At My Eyes”.  Or find them on YouTube.  To contact TheFowler4 Group email: info@thefowler4group.com

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Making Sense of Scratching, Clawing and Biting

Posted on December 27, 2012 | 1 Comment

It’s December 27th…probably the worst possible day to write a blog and expect that someone will read it…much less respond to it.  But who cares…I have time to write and I just had a good conversation with a buddy of mine who is also a daddy with a son with autism and so it motivated me to write a blog.  So…to the tens of people out there today on December 27th who are blogging or searching…this is for you!

My friend and I talked about how at times our sons (his 5 and mine 7-years-old) can have immediate fits where they scratch and bite and claw and do all that fun stuff that comes with autism.

I don’t know why his does it, but I think my wife and I have somewhat made sense of William’s fits…and it all is about communication.  UGH!

Lately we’ve noticed that he’ll claw/bite/scratch/pinch whatever when he just can’t communicate his needs and wants.  Yeah, yeah, yeah this sounds pretty simple but as he gets older, it’s more and more complex.

William recently reverted back to scratching/clawing/biting not just when he doesn’t get his way, but when he can’t express what he wants and he is embarrassed.

Yep…he’s embarrassed that he can’t explain what he wants.

Wow…it hit me like a ton of bricks when we finally realized this.  It wasn’t that he didn’t get a toy or treat, it’s when he knows that he did something that he shouldn’t have done or that he did something that brings him negative attention.

The mind of the autistic child is so fascinating.  I wish I could just plug into my son’s brain and see how he sees–someone will develop that and will become a Gillionaire!

Yes he still gets upset when he gets in trouble or doesn’t get his way, but the older my son gets the more i see that his frustration is not only in his lack of communication, but that he understands that he’s not “typical” and that he sees how at times it brings him attention that isn’t the right kind of attention.

Anyone else have similar experiences? Thoughts?  Words of advice or in addition to?

To read more blogs from Seth and TheFowler4Group, check out their Website (www.lookatmyeyes.com) and while you’re there, buy a copy of their book, “Look At My Eyes”.  Or find them on YouTube.  To contact TheFowler4 Group email: info@thefowler4group.com

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