Tag Archives: Autism and Language

hear say

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I’ve taken such a nice long break that I forgot my password.

I remembered it. <smile>

It has been good. I needed it. We all need it.

For me, vocalizing is not usually difficult or strained. Facial expressions too… I can’t hide them. Gosh I really can’t.

My husband. If you know him, you know expression is his world. He’s a talker…much, MUCH more than I am. It comes easy.

For William, every word is mainly work. Something for others to hear.

I see the wheels turning, the eyes shifting… I know there are thoughts, but many times it is silence I hear.

With two expressive parents, it must me in his genes somewhere. Trapped at times.

I can’t speak for him, not always the way he would like me to. His sister has, does, and will often. Those two.

My questions are not always the right questions.

But I do try…probing constantly to get a true depictive response from him.

But, those are words. Really, just words.

If I look closer, he speaks often.

Each raised eyebrow, pause, snicker, and hand gesture… speaks to me. It’s loud sometimes and yes, I do sometimes yearn for it to come in one easy box of simply uttered words.

Sometimes it does and I relish…pondering on it for days sometimes. Ok years.

His expressions. I’ve learned to live and breathe for. I’ve learned to hear him with passing hours of no words in sight. It’s all there.

It’s a different bird though and not easily caught.

In fact, I know I have missed it many times by waiting for words.

Don’t get so caught up in the words that you miss the expression.

Sometimes you just need to just shut up to watch the expression unravel. <smile>

You’ll hear so much more.

To read more blogs from Melanie, Seth and TheFowler4Group, check out their Website (www.lookatmyeyes.com) and while you’re there, buy a copy of their book, “Look At My Eyes”.  Or find them on YouTube.  To contact TheFowler4 Group email: info@thefowler4group.com
   

july 9, 2015

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This date deserves a title. 

He said them.  Those 4 words.  Beautiful words.

Of course I always say them and he says them back.

But, July 9, 2015 was different.  No mimicking.  No prompts.

Just him… spontaneously.

He is nine.

Most of those years, I wasn’t patient.  Outside, yes.  But inside, I was burning and yearning.  It was a  “long term” goal that I was not sure would come to fruition.

It did.  I wasn’t ready.

My hands were drenched in soapy water from the sink and I felt a tap on my shoulder.  “I love you mommy.”  It ended with a kiss on the cheek.

I was distracted and then became undistracted and… undone.  

It reminded me of the days when he was young and we would go over animal noises. For years.

Over and over and over and over and over again to only hear crickets.  Not a word.

One day I was nursing Margaret and he walked in the room, picked up a plush cow toy and said, “The cow says Moo!” and walked out, as if he were telling me with his middle finger pointed upward, “I am listening all of the time.”

I don’t know if or when I will hear those words again.  Speech is complex.

But, I heard them once.  The words came out of his mouth.

When the days are slow and difficult, a sweet gem of a blessing pops up to keep me going.

I know it does for you too.

This just happened to be a big one. <smile>

To read more blogs from Melanie, Seth and TheFowler4Group, check out their Website (www.lookatmyeyes.com) and while you’re there, buy a copy of their book, “Look At My Eyes”.  Or find them on YouTube.  To contact TheFowler4 Group email: info@thefowler4group.com
   

a watchful eye

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To the mother at the Museum of Science and History,

You walked outside while we were eating lunch. You had two children with you.

Your oldest boy was curious and wandering. I watched your youngest girl and thought how well she listened and obeyed you. She reminded me of Margaret so I watched closer.

I noticed how much time you spent with your oldest boy. Watching, closely following… very closely.

I noticed how your youngest just followed in line and…

Well, then I watched you.

I watched your eyes and began to see the picture. I know it well. Your watchful eyes, the concerns, the constant of it all. It was only after watching you that it clicked… autism.

Your oldest was moving about and your watchful eyes spoke thousands.

Once or twice you looked at me but in a flash, your eyes were back on him.

I wanted William to make a sound or move about so you could see that you and I were one.

He was eating.

The only time he is somewhat physically still and free of sound is when he is eating. So, we sat still and I watched some more.

You looked tired. Your watchful eyes looked tired but loving.

Watchful. Tired. Loving.

I hoped for you to have support. I hoped for you to have breaks and time away to recharge.

I hoped for you to have what I have.

William was finished. He leaped up and broke into a sonnet of some sort <smile>

Your eyes watched him. Then your eyes met mine and you smiled a big smile.

It clicked.

Your eyes looked revived.

And I think mine did too… <big smile>

To read more blogs from Melanie, Seth and TheFowler4Group, check out their Website (www.lookatmyeyes.com) and while you’re there, buy a copy of their book, “Look At My Eyes”.  Or find them on YouTube.  To contact TheFowler4 Group email: info@thefowler4group.com

Special Thanks to Jewett Photography DFW Photographers http://www.jewettphotography.com

the voice

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I’ve thought a lot about conversations that could’ve, should’ve , would’ve.

The pitch, the inflection…the whole shebang.

What could he tell me about the years past?

I’ve thought a lot about it.

I have so many questions.

I think it would look like a piece of this…

ME: Why don’t you like opening gifts?

HIM: I think gift wrap is stupid. I don’t understand why people buy it and make it look nice and then tear it all up. It takes too much time and I want to be outside anyways.

ME: Why do you cry when someone on TV falls down?

HIM: I think it is real and I feel sorry for that person. It kinda scares me.

ME: Why do you have to look at your lunch every morning before school?

HIM: Because I really don’t like turkey sandwiches…you pack them because the school has a “no nut” policy but I like peanut butter and I wish I could have one.

Bless him… he does get them on the weekends.

ME: Why do you smile so big at girls?

HIM: I like pretty girls. I really like girls with long hair. I like when they say hello to me. I just want to stand next to them.

ME: Why is it difficult for you to pay attention?

HIM: I listen to what people say… a lot. I listen even when I don’t look at your eyes. <smile> I like my world better. It’s easier. Your world is busy and confusing to me at times. I wish everyone would just be quiet and stop talking.

ME: Why do you get frustrated when I ask you questions?

HIM: If you only knew how hard it is for me. I have to think about the question and then think about how to answer it and then actually form words into a sentence that you are happy with so you will stop asking me more questions. It’s totally exhausting for me. Can I just go outside and play?? <smile>

ME: Why do you hum when you eat cracker products?

HIM: I love a cracker. All is good and right when I can eat a cracker. Plus, I like to hum. Can I have a cracker??

ME: How do you feel when I pick out your clothes, Halloween costumes, etc?

HIM: I really don’t care about clothes. I do like shoes though. Converse are my favorite. I don’t care about the costume… I just want the candy. Put me in anything as long as I can eat a Twix.

ME: Why do you like being at home so much?

HIM: I love my house. It’s nice and clean. It makes me feel safe and I know what to expect. I’m tired after school. Please don’t run errands after school… It’s such a beat down.

ME: Do you like it when I love on you and make you give me hugs?

HIM: I am used to it. You make me love on you all of the time. It’s your way to connect with me. I really do like your hugs and I like to play with your hair.

ME: Why don’t you like Legos?

HIM: I hate Legos. If the pieces don’t fit right, I want to squeeze them and break them. I’m sorry to burst your autism stereotype, but I hate Legos.

ME: How do you feel about Margaret?

HIM: She’s pretty bossy. I like when she is outside with me. I like that we share a room. She talks a lot but that’s ok. Sometimes I hide her things and smile about it. I’m still her big brother….

Actions do speak. He must have a loud voice. <smile>

To read more blogs from Melanie, Seth and TheFowler4Group, check out their Website (www.lookatmyeyes.com) and while you’re there, buy a copy of their book, “Look At My Eyes”.  Or find them on YouTube.  To contact TheFowler4 Group email: info@thefowler4group.com

Special Thanks to Jewett Photography DFW Photographers http://www.jewettphotography.com