Tag Archives: daddy blogger

Buddies

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It took us a while – but we are buddies

Seth Says

If I’m being honest, I probably never thought my son, William, and I would be buddies.  After he was diagnosed I went into a depression and malaise regarding him and regarding what I anticipated the future with a child on the spectrum would look like.

Initially those anticipations proved to mostly be true…William and I would do things together but I never got the feeling that we were developing a relationship or bond or that either of us really craved being together.

William is still really quiet.  He has language but doesn’t initiate talking (unless he wants something badly enough) and he’s not one for having conversation.

That’s okay.  I get it.

What he can do (and does a lot) is respond to my questions.  He tells me when he wants something.  He tells me if he likes one thing or another.  He will answer in his own way – maybe not with words but with a hug or kiss or simply by not leaving the room immediately if I enter.

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In the last blog I mentioned his penchant for doing puzzles.  That has become something we do together.

We went a TCU vs Texas basketball game together earlier in 2018…that was something I never thought we’d do.  He’s never going to follow players and their matriculation through high school to college to the NBA like I did (and still do), but he enjoyed clapping, high-fiving, eating popcorn and other treats when we went to the game.

He still says, “Daddy stop singing…stop singing, stop singing” when I’m into a singing mood…and that annoys me.  He will still refuse to work on a puzzle together if he’s not in the mood.  He will still sit silently in the car if I don’t try and pull word out of him.

And that’s okay.

We are now buddies.

To read more blogs from Melanie, Seth and TheFowler4Group, check out their Website (www.lookatmyeyes.com) and while you’re there, buy a copy of their book, “Look At My Eyes”.  Or find them on YouTube.  To contact TheFowler4 Group email: info@thefowler4group.com

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The Cost of Autism

How many coins is $2.4 Million?

How many coins is $2.4 Million?

“Seth Says…”

Recently my wife, Melanie was interviewed for a piece on the overall costs of having a child with autism, and the expected lifetime costs.  It’s a very informative piece and you should read it

“Lifetime Suport for a Person with Autism Can Cost Millions”

So I need to start saving up to $2.4 Million to take care of my son over the course of his lifetime?  Uhhh…I wonder how I start.The article brings up some great points–IT’S EXPENSIVE TO HAVE A CHILD ON THE SPECTRUM–sorry for pointing out the obvious.

Also it brings up some good points about loss of parental income.  I hadn’t really thought of that because our plan was for Melanie to stay home with our children until they got to elementary school age, but I can see how that could drastically impact so many families.

FINALLY…the article brings up a point that I’ve been S-C-R-E-A-M-I-N-G about for a while (don’t believe me just see my other blogs) which is the pandemic that is looming in our city, county, state, country, world!

If it’s true that 1 in 68 children born today will have some sort of pervasive developmental disorder…and we are going to come out of pocket $2.4 MMMMMillion per child over the course of their lives…that’s a lot of money!We have to have opportunities and outlets for these 1 in 68 children…and we have to start NOW!

To read more blogs from Melanie, Seth and TheFowler4Group, check out their Website (www.lookatmyeyes.com) and while you’re there, buy a copy of their book, “Look At My Eyes”.  Or find them on To contact TheFowler4 Group email: info@thefowler4group.com

 

Allergic to Autism

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How easy do you think it is to tell an 8-year-old boy that he CAN’T play outside?

I’ll give you 5 seconds to come up with your answer…………

If you said “not very easy” then…ding, ding, ding…you are correct

Now what if that 8-year-old boy who can’t play outside has autism…

Would it be easier or harder to tell him that he can’t play outside?

You shouldn’t even need 5 seconds for this one—too easy

Thus is our situation currently.

Our 8-year-old child with autism can’t go outside and play. He has allergies. If you live in Texas then you know what allergies are and what a pain they can be to just about everyone. William is allergic to grass, trees (especially Pecan Trees) and just about everything else that makes you sneeze, have runny nose, itchy eyes and all the other fun symptoms that come with allergies.

William loves three things. He loves to stim (he taps on items to soothe himself—right now it’s a plastic measuring spoon set and an old hairbrush). He loves to play on the iPad. He loves the monkey bars.

If Monkey Bars were a class that you could take in school…William would most certainly get an “A”.

He is so strong, his hands are all torn up by going from bar-to-bar-to-bar on our monkey bar set in the back yard. He loves it and never gets bored with it. He can play on the monkey bars for hours and hours.

April and May are the MOST MISERABLE months for allergies in North Texas. The trees are blooming, it’s dusty, it’s windy and it’s awful.

This past weekend we were all outside and a few hours later…William comes in with red, puffy eyes, sneezing, coughing…you get the picture.

Now before you decide to send replies about medication and remedies and shots and all that—don’t bother. We’ve tried those things. Some things help, others don’t.

He doesn’t understand why he can’t go outside—only that he can’t go outside. So he paces the house and stims and his behavior suffers during weekends when there really isn’t much for him to do if he can’t go outside and play on the monkey bars.

Anyone else have this problem? The meds we give him can also make him tired, grumpy, not hungry—and those aren’t good.

So we just deal with it. Ugh. Allergies SUCK. Allergies and Autism SUCK EVEN MORE!

To read more blogs from Melanie, Seth and TheFowler4Group, check out their Website (www.lookatmyeyes.com) and while you’re there, buy a copy of their book, “Look At My Eyes”.  Or find them on YouTube.  To contact TheFowler4 Group email: info@thefowler4group.com

a Skipper Too

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William’s legs are long.  Like, really long.  He’s always looked the same.  To put it into perspective, at birth, he weighed in at 6 lbs and yet his length was 22.5 inches. Yep, I told you, long!  He almost never wears a pair with the “worn” look because they’re off and then it’s on with another new and longer pair.

But, as I look at these long gangly legs, I am reminded about so much more than pant purchasing woes.  Over the past 8 years, these legs have entered more therapeutic facility doors and have endured more therapy hours than one can even conceive.

With these legs, he has achieved more success than I hope to in a lifetime.

These legs never crawled as a baby and standing and walking were HUGE milestones in more ways than one.

At one point, I thought these legs would never be able to run…

The plethora of hours in occupational and physical therapy certainly helped these legs reach their goal.  In fact, the goal was surpassed by mastering the “light” jog.  As William grew more strong and mobile, the “jog” one day became a “run.”

Every year, the Fowler Four participates in a phenomenally fun and meaningful 5k race and every year I am reminded of these long gangly legs and how far they have taken him… how far they have taken, us.

I continue to be blessed by each step that is mastered, his legs, his strength, his ability to tolerate hours upon hours of hard therapy and academics.

Guess what???  You will never.  These long gangly legs can now skip. <smile>

What has been accomplished that you never thought possible?

To read more blogs from Melanie, Seth and TheFowler4Group, check out their Website (www.lookatmyeyes.com) and while you’re there, buy a copy of their book, “Look At My Eyes”.  Or find them on YouTube.  To contact TheFowler4 Group email: info@thefowler4group.com

Ugh, ANOTHER thing I hate about Autism

The list is long and distinguished regarding the things I hate about autism…but this is the one on my mind…would LOVE to hear if this affects you and  your child and if so, what do you do about it?

William has these episodes of frustration or confusion where he starts spiraling and just can’t regroup and bounce back without major meltdowns or fits of rage.

For example…yesterday my wife picked him up from school and  he for some reason didn’t want the snack she gave him in the car.  He got frustrated with the snack and then when she took it away, he started freaking out.

Well what do you want?  The snack?  To eat it?  There’s almost like a no-win solution.

It got progressively worse.

We have these ABSURD radio stations in DFW that think it’s funny and cool to start playing Christmas music 24/7 starting the day after Halloween…it’s extremely annoying to me because I get very tired of the same 100 Christmas songs and why rush the holidays?

So William hears a Santa song…then they go home and watch a “Max & Ruby” (he loves those) and it’s about Christmas and so William can’t understand WHY there is no Christmas tree in our house.  He doesn’t understand the concept of time or seasons or anything like that.

He has a total meltdown…he cries and throws his favorite item (these days it’s hair brushes) and just can’t regroup and get it together.

So we turn off the video because he can’t handle it…to which he gets even more upset.

Have I mentioned a no-win situation?

We can’t start talking about going on a vacation or visiting family too soon because it doesn’t compute to him that we’re going to BeBe’s house…in a few days.  He thinks that because we’re talking about going somewhere, that it is going to happen immediately.

It’s really frustrating because we want to involve him in our activities and experiences and want to share the joy and excitement of anticipation and holidays and all that…but more often than not it ends up with him getting very upset and emotional and having a fit of frustration and rage.

Surely this happens to you too?  What are some tips to not have this happen or when they are spiraling, are there any ideas of how to regroup as quickly as possible and not have it turn into episodes?

To read more blogs from Seth and TheFowler4Group, check out their Website (www.lookatmyeyes.com) and while you’re there, buy a copy of their book, “Look At My Eyes”.  Or find them on YouTube.  To contact TheFowler4 Group email: info@thefowler4group.com

Autism is Expensive

Autism is expensive…yeah that’s the understatement of the Century isn’t it?

I actually had a friend of ours say that to me and I think I replied…”uhhh yeah, no kidding…”

Like that one time you went to Mexico and came back with some strange rash (hypothetically speaking of course)…autism is the gift that keeps on giving.

Often when I am talking to parents–in particular other fathers–the topic of money and how expensive therapies and medicines and treatments and just about everything can be.  I have to say that it’s terrifying to really think about how much money we have spent over the past 7 years on my son…but I know deep in my heart that it’s all worth it.

It wasn’t always like that.  I remember one time my wife wanted us to go to a weekend conference on autism…I threw a HUGE tantrum and basically said, “why do I need to go to a conference where they’re going to talk about autism and remind me that my child isn’t typical and then they’ll try and sell me some magic potion and will try and convince me that this magic elixir is the end-all, be-all for treatment of autism!”

I didn’t want to go, I didn’t want to spend the money, I didn’t want to be around those in a similar situation like mine.

Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) is the only scientifically proven therapy to help children on the spectrum…and it’s expensive.

My son takes medication to help his moods and swings…that’s expensive.

There are all sorts of secondary therapies: horse, gymnastics, music, art, water, judo, kung-fu….yeah those are expensive.

As a father I hated spending money on these things…do they really work?  How do I even know they work?  It sure doesn’t SEEM like it’s helping my son.

It’s not like he was coming home and showing me new Kung-Fu moves…or really becoming a polished horseman…or telling me how much he was enjoying these activities.

Ahhh…once again the ugly head of selfishness rears it’s little head.

It’s not about me.  It’s not about what I think or what I want or what I can see or what I can prove.  It’s about my son.  He might not be the next Bruce Lee…but I know he’s getting something out of Kung-Fu…I’ve seen him improve and that little improvement bit-by-bit….is enough to pay for lessons.

You have to remember that progress has to be measured differently from your other “typical” children…it’s not a linear progress…you might never see progress!  You might see little bitty progress and then BOOM…a lot.

Yes…autism is expensive.  Figure out a budget.  Talk to your spouse.  Make sure you don’t spend money where you can’t spend money.  Do your research on activities and therapies and medicines…if you feel it’s worth it and you feel that it will benefit your child…and you have the money…go for it.

Remember…you and your spouse are the family…your child is an addition to your family unit.  If you are causing  your family hardship by spending on things for one child…to the detriment of the others in the family…then you might want to reconsider what you’re spending on and try to cut back a little.

Money isn’t going to cure autism.  While there are many expensive aspects to autism…there are also some free aspects to autism as well.  Go to the park.  Run around the yard.  Embrace your child.  Smile at your child.  Make them know they’re loved.  Hold them to a high standard…when you want them to pay attention to you–make them pay attention to you (even for a few seconds)

It’s not going to benefit your special needs child one bit if you spend all your money and have nothing for them…

Go for it!

To read more blogs from Seth and TheFowler4Group, check out their Website (www.lookatmyeyes.com) and while you’re there, buy a copy of their book, “Look At My Eyes”.  Or find them on YouTube.  To contact TheFowler4 Group email: info@thefowler4group.com

A feel good autism story…

You can tell that April is around the corner.  Yes, April is Autism Awareness Month and that’s when all your media outlets pay attention to the world of autism for 30 days.

But recently I’ve been seeing more articles and stories regarding autism so that’s positive.

I ran across a story of a police officer who has befriended a young man who is on the spectrum

It’s a simple but powerful story of how a little act of kindness and taking a little time out of one’s day can make a huge impact.

As our children on the spectrum get older and older and more into the “typical world” both sides need one another.

I mean that we need more stories, more events like this police officer and young man.

We need to expose the “typical world” to the world of autism…they need to see that there’s nothing wrong with our children.  There will be differences but they’re not harmful (mostly) and so there’s nothing to be afraid about when being with a child on the spectrum.

The autism world needs the typical world as well.  We need to have our children around as many typical people as possible.  My 7-year-old son needs to experience what it’s like to be with others who are not on the spectrum.  He needs to learn what’s socially acceptable and not acceptable…the only way he’s going to learn that is from being in that world.

It’s not an Us vs. Them scenario.  If we educate each other about autism and our children, and how they’re smart, happy, funny, playful, sensitive just like everyone else, then maybe in years to come we won’t have issues will people thinking those on the spectrum are not contributing members of society.

Kudos to this police officer for actually taking time to be a part of this young man’s life…he might not know it but he is not only helping the young man but he’s helping many across the country who may soon realize that children on the spectrum are different…but the same.

We need more stories like these!